I'm With You
by Arwen12
Summary: Arwen has died. No one at her death knows or understands why, and Haldir feels repsonsable. But how far will the feeling take him? *ADDED DISCLAIMER!*


Disclaimers: Ok, I known nothing of Tolkien or his world, but you already knew that. WARNINGS- Some references to slash (Legolas/Elrond, Haldir/Legolas) AU, Character Death, and attempted suicide. Few things_ Lunardy is not a Mary sue, and yes, Arwen, the daughter of Elrond and the Princess of Rivendell, married Haldir, a guardian. Ok, and I do realize that Celebrian didn't die per say, but for the context, well, think of it this way. Arwen was so young, that she probably thought that her mother was dead, so she's basically keeping that frame of mind.  
I'm With You  
  
"Arwen? What's wrong?" Haldir asked concernedly to the woman he was trying to hold up.  
  
Arwen slipped through his arms, landing on her side on the floor. "I'm fine," she said, struggling to get back up. The shooting pain intensified, causing tears to run down her cheeks.  
  
Haldir sat beside her and started to cradle her. "Boromir, go get Lord Elrond. This is becoming very serious. Where is he, Arwen?"  
  
Arwen protested. "No! Don't get Ada", she choked though her tears. The flaming pain shot through her chest. "Downstairs," she finally croaked, the tears starting to come faster.  
  
Boromir ran down the hall, down the spiral stair case, and to the room at the end of the hall. "Lord Elrond!" Boromir yelled as he entered though the doorframe.  
  
Elrond put his book down, his face filled with worry. "What is it?"  
  
"It's Arwen. We don't know what's wrong with her."  
  
He walked briskly past the warrior. "Where is she?"  
  
Boromir followed Elrond. "Upstairs. In her room."  
  
**********  
  
Arwen was curled up in Haldir's arms when Lord Elrond entered. She was badly trembling, and crying because of all the pain she was in. He sat beside his daughter. "Is this your doing, Guardian?"  
  
Haldir was taken aback. "No! She just collapsed! Lord Elrond, you have to help her!"  
  
"I cannot until I know where it hurts."  
  
"She will not tell me. Lunardy, you try to get something out of her. Maybe she'll tell you something."  
  
Confused, Lunardy placed her hands on Arwen's chest, a healing power exiting. Arwen cried out in pain. "I know my hands hurt, but you must try to relax. I know it's hard. Just listen to my voice. I can only reduce the pain. Only your father can fully heal you, you know that. But he has to know where you hurt. Is it your chest Arwen?" She nodded in pain. "Lord Elrond, you have to help her. Use your ring."  
  
Elrond shook his head. "No. Vilya is too powerful for healing people. And even if I did, I am afraid I will make a mistake & it cost my daughter her life." He placed a hand on her forehead and pulled her hair from her eyes.  
  
"But you have to help her!" Haldir pleaded.  
  
"I am not the Valar!"  
  
"You're close enough. No one could ever have the healing powers you possess. Please. This is your daughter we're talking about!"  
  
Elrond took one of Arwen's hands in his own. He held the other trembling hand over her chest. He closed his eyes and focused all his energy on his daughter's body. "You won't leave me.." He said slowly. After a moment, realizing no change, he opened his eyes. "This spell or whatever she is under is blocking my healing powers." He put his hand down. "Haldir, you are out only hope."  
  
Haldir let out a fake laugh. "Me?"  
  
"Yes you. You are her lover."  
  
"But I'm just a march warden!" Haldir protested, pointing out the obvious.  
  
"And you are the march warden who loves her!"  
  
"What does that have to do with anything? I can't heal her. I don't know where to begin. And even if I did, I have no healing powers."  
  
"Love can be the greatest healer of them all, Haldir. I fail when my own daughter needs me. I will not allow for my daughter to die!"  
  
"But you cannot give up on her! Lunardy, tell him that he's wrong! That he has NOT failed."  
  
Elrond stroked Arwen's forehead, beads of sweat dripping from it. "Haldir, you are the only one now who could have any chance of healing her. I can do no more for her. I will not give up on her."  
  
Lunardy hung her head. "I am afraid that he has failed. This spell is blocking him. It blocked me. But maybe you can break it."  
  
Haldir shook his head. "I won't believe this!" he said angrily. "But I will try to help none the less."  
  
About this time, Legolas, on hearing the news of Arwen, had run into the room. "What the hell happened to her?"  
  
Lunardy glared at him. "We don't know! She just collapsed for no reason."  
  
Through the tears, Arwen cried, "Ada."  
  
Elrond held her hand tighter. "Yes, my daughter. I'm here." The tears flowed down his face, a single teardrop landing on her hand.  
  
Haldir was beginning to become desperate. "Legolas, is there anything you can do for her?"  
  
Legolas shook his head. "I posses no healing powers."  
  
Lunardy hugged a frustrated Boromir. "There has to be something we can do. Haldir, you must try. I am not willing to loose my best friend."  
  
Haldir sighed, finally giving in. "Lord Elrond, you must help me. I cannot do this alone."  
  
Elrond nodded and drew Arwen's hand closer to his face. "Of course. You must bind your soul with that of hers. Open your mind, your heart, you soul. Reveal everything to her.  
  
Haldir repeated quietly, and closed his eyes. Arwen, you must listen to me. You MUST come back to me. I will not allow you to die like this.  
  
Arwen began to cry harder as the pain spread through her chest, and down through her stomach. "Ada.."  
  
Haldir began to panic. "Talk to her. Give me a few moments."  
  
Elrond nodded. "I'm not sure how long you have, but I will try. My daughter, I'm right here. We're all here. You will be fine. I promise. Hold on. You can make it through this Arwen. You are stronger than death. Haldir, you must talk to her. Give her all the love you possess for her. You have to bring her back to this world!"  
  
Haldir was in a panic. "Songs." He breathed. "Hold on my love. Arwen, hear my voice. Come back to me. He began to sing one of her favorite songs under his breath to her. "Arwen?" he felt Arwen's pale cheeks. "She's freezing." He looked up the sky, for no house in Rivendell has a roof. "Oh, gods give me the strength to do this," he prayed, turning his face back to Arwen.  
  
Lunardy looked at him, tears flowing from her eyes. "They are with you, Haldir. The grace of the Valar is with you."  
  
Arwen's tears eased up a bit, giving everyone the idea she was going to be fine. "Haldir?" she said weakly.  
  
Haldir stroked her face. "Yes Arwen?"  
  
"I still hurt." She curled up, trying to hid all the pain she was still in.  
  
Elrond stopped her. "No, my daughter. It will just make it worse."  
  
Arwen began to cry hard again as the pain went up her spine. "But Ada!" She whined. "It hurts!"  
  
Haldir took Arwen's wrist in his hand. "No! Lord Elrond, what do I do now?"  
  
"Something familiar. Something she'll know right off hand."  
  
Haldir though for a second, then sang softly to her. He saw her eyes flutter close, making him fear for his wife's life. "Arwen?!" He felt for her pulse in her wrist, neck, and for her heartbeat in her chest. There was nothing. He began to cry, kissing Arwen deeply on the mouth. "Arwen! No!! You can't be dead."  
  
He looked up at everyone. Every person in the room was in tears. Lunardy had her face buried in Boromir's chest. Legolas had sat down in a chair, his head in his hands. Elrond was bent over his daughter, the tears flowing from his eyes. Even Boromir had tears flowing swiftly down his face. "I don't believe this!" Lunardy finally choked out.  
  
Haldir pulled Arwen closer to his chest. "Arwen I'm sorry! I couldn't even protect my own wife!" He said, cradling her still.  
  
Elrond stood up. "You do not even know what is wrong. You could not have hoped to help her if you do not know what was wrong with her." The sight of his daughter laying in her husband's arms dead proved too much for him. "I failed my own daughter," he said, turning and exiting out of the room.  
  
Haldir stood up with Arwen in his arms, then laid her on her bed. "Arwen..." he kneeled beside the bed, putting his face in his hand. "I failed."  
  
Lunardy let go of Boromir, walked over to the bed, and sat beside Haldir. She embraced him, her own tears dropping to his arm that was surrounding her. "You did the best you could. That you did your best is something Arwen would have been proud of."  
  
***********  
  
As I lay on the floor and I wonder why The question being Why did you die? I thank God for you and the memories But I still wish you were here with me  
  
I'm breathing you in and breathing you out I'm breathing you in and breathing you out Breathing you in and breathing you out I'm breathing you in and ya  
  
Gone away and I pray for the strength to The strength to carry on Cuz I'm breathing you in and breathing you out I still feel you though you're gone ~7 Channels "Breathe"  
  
**********  
  
Haldir felt his head spinning, though he was standing still. He looked at the newly engraved headstone of his deceased wife's grave, running a slender finger across the smooth marble surface. His other hand drifted to his dagger, which was hidden in his belt, and drew it. He tightly gripped the blade, slowly pulling it down the soft flesh of his palm. The blood ran down, dripping to the soft earth. "Arwen," he said softly. "I will avenge your death." With that being said, Haldir resheethed his dagger, and entered the Last Homely House.  
  
**********  
  
Lunardy didn't know that she could feel this sad about anything. She rarely ate, and rarely slept. It worried everyone, but most of all Boromir.  
  
"My love?"  
  
Lunardy turned around to see Boromir standing there. She wiped away tears from her cheeks, then ran to his arms, burying her face in his chest. "I miss her," she cried.  
  
Boromir stroked Lunardy hair. "I know. We all miss her. But she would never have wanted you to mourn her. She would tell you that she will always be with you. But for now, just cry. It might help." **********  
  
Down the hall, Legolas and Elrond were doing some mourning of their own. Legolas sat on the railing of the balcony with his back against a pole. His hand covered his eyes, and the other was on his raised knee. Elrond was standing out on the balcony, with his hands on the railing, and his face to the stars. "I couldn't save my own daughter", he said finally, opening his eyes to the soft lights. "The gods know I tried. But I failed her."  
  
Legolas crossed his arms across his chest. "You did all you could. There was nothing more that could have been done for her." He shook his head in order to get the hair out of his face. "It was the will of the Valar, and no one can compete with that.  
  
Elrond blinked back tears in his grey eyes. "I know. But to loose my daughter? I never expected it to happen. And just.the way she left..it was almost too much to bear, to see her is that much pain & agony." He joined Legolas on the railing, sitting toe-to-hip with the younger elf.  
  
"Lord Elrond, Arwen will be immortal as long as you love her beyond the grave. The grave, the fact that she is dead, should not stop you," Legolas told him, straddling the railing, then scooting closer to Elrond. She will always be your daughter. Even beyond the grave, she will be your daughter, and you love her. I promise." He embraced the mourning elf, and put his forehead on his shoulder.  
  
**********  
  
Haldir sat on Arwen's bed, rolling an angel-shaped object between his fingers. He heard a small & timid knock on the door. "Come," he said in a soft tone, afraid to speak loudly. Lunardy entered, and sat beside him. "What are you doing here?" he asked, not looking up from the object in his hands.  
  
"I'm just here," she told him, running a slender finger down the pendent he held. "The Evenstar." She said quietly. "Arwen's pride and joy. Here. Allow me." She took the pendent and chain from Haldir's hand and clasped it around his neck, pulling his long blond hair out from under the chain. "She would have been proud to see you wearing it as your own." Lunardy reached up and whipped away a tear from his pale cheek. "Haldir, she loved you. She always will, even though she is gone. As long as you remember her, and think of her, she will always live." She kissed his cheek lightly, stood up from the bed, the added, "Try to sleep. You most of all need it." With that, she exited the room.  
  
**********  
  
That restless night, Haldir tossed & turned, images of Arwen filling his head. His eyes flew open in terror. Haldir slid out of bed, walked over to the chest of drawers, and took his dagger from the top. He stood in the middle of the room, with the glistening blade to his left wrist, when a thin trail of white light entered trough the balcony, landing right in front of him. The light steam became thicker & thicker until, out of the beam, stood Arwen. Haldir dropped the blade in terror, the metal clanking against the stone floor. He let out a breath of shock. "This cannot be." The light around Arwen died down, enabling her to be seen better. She nodded. "Arwen?"  
  
Arwen smiled. "Hello, Haldir," He held out a hand to touch her, but she recoiled. "No, Haldir. You mustn't touch me. I cannot yet take complete physical form."  
  
Haldir held up both of his hand; Arwen did the same, their hands almost touching. "My love, why did you leave me? Your father? Lunardy?" He fought the urge to touch her hands. He added quietly, "oh, how I want to be with you now."  
  
Arwen put her hands down to her sides. "But, my husband, you ARE with me. As long as you remember me. As soon as I vanish from your mind, so I vanish from this earth forever. I died because it was my time to leave, just as my mother before me."  
  
Suddenly, the bell began to toll in the hallway. "Arwen? Can I ever see you again?"  
  
Arwen nodded. "I am in the stars. Look for me there. Goodbye, my love." Then, he saw his deceased wife's spirit disappear the same way she had appeared so suddenly.  
  
Haldir stood petrified for a moment. But soon, he was running down the hall, stopping at every room, saying, "Meeting in the Hall of Fire." He got to the room at the end hall, where he entered, and stood before a huge wooden Eleven Bed. "Lord Elrond, there is a meeting in the Hall of Fire," Haldir said softly. "it is concerning your daughter."  
  
Elrond's eyes flew open in shock, and quicker than a flash, he was on his feet. "My daughter?"  
  
Haldir nodded. "Yes." The pair walked out of the room, down the spiral staircase, and into the Hall of Fire.  
  
**********  
  
Elrond and Haldir joined Legolas, Lunardy, and Boromir, who were all in a circle. "The reason we're all here," Haldir began. "Is that Arwen has appeared to me."  
  
Lunardy sighed. "Haldir.."  
  
"No, listen. I was at the point of suicide. The feeling of grief & responsibility was too much for me. I was unforgiven by both men & elves. I withheld information from her that caused her so much pain. I had a dagger to my wrist, ready to die, when a trial of light entered, and from it, Arwen appeared."  
  
"You're delusional. Arwen was never there," Boromir sat in a stone seat.  
  
Just then, a trickle of light entered from the open ceiling. Arwen appeared, surrounded by a soft glowing light. "Hello Boromir."  
  
He stood in amazement. "This can't be true. "  
  
Arwen smiled and nodded. "It is true. It is by the grace of the Valar that you can see me." The light around her thin body intensified, then died completely. "And it is by the grace of the Valar that you are now able to touch me. But, it is only momentary." Elrond stepped forward, and held a hand out, but stopped in mid-air. "Don't be afraid, Ada. I cannot hurt you, nor can you hurt me."  
  
He touched her cheek, feeling the soft, cold skin he once knew. My daughter," Elrond breathed. "Is this a dream? I see you, and I feel you, but I still do not believe it."  
  
Lunardy drew closer to Arwen's spirit. "Arwen?" Elrond backed up, giving the two friends room. "Arwen, why did you leave? I miss you."  
  
"It was not my decision."  
  
"But why did you have to die?"  
  
"Because it was my time. I have lived my life," She looked to Haldir. "To the fullest," she added.  
  
"Arwen, are you a ghost? I don't understand," Legolas asked confusedly.  
  
"No, I'm not. I was so loved in life, I have no unfinished business." Arwen listened as a bell tolled. "I will not be able to be touched much longer." Lunardy nodded as the tears flowed down her cheeks. "Please, do not cry. It will only make things more difficult." She wiped away a tear from her cheek.  
  
Haldir joined them. He kissed Arwen, placing his hands on her cheeks. They parted lips, and put forehead-to-forehead. "Please don't leave me. I don't want to be alone again."  
  
She ran her index finger down his nose, then kissed the tip. "I am always with you, my dear Haldir." She walked to Legolas, whose head was bowed in sorrow. She placed a finger under his chin and lifted it up. "Legolas, I want you to take care of Haldir. He still believes he is unforgiven for my death." Arwen turned to Haldir. "It wasn't your fault. You are forgiven, for you had nothing to be forgiven for. Legolas, you will take care of him?"  
  
"Of coarse I will," He replied.  
  
"Boromir, I have a job for you as well."  
  
"Yes my lady?" he asked, utterly confused.  
  
Arwen looked toward Lunardy. "Take care of your wife, as my best friend."  
  
Boromir walked over to his wife and embraced her. "I will."  
  
Arwen stepped away from them. Everyone had tears flowing swiftly from their eyes, and falling to the ground. "Please. I beg of you. Do not mourn me. It will only make parting even that much harder. As I told Haldir, you can always find me. I am in the stars. I am in the wind. I am in the water. I am in the earth. My time was over. Look to see me no more in this form. Goodbye.my family," Arwen said, aiming the name at everyone in the room. She then disappeared the way she had appeared. The sound of muffled crying was the only thing that followed her. Haldir held his face to the stars. Presantly, it began to rain..  
  
~C.A.S. 


End file.
